Hard Day

I never feel more alone than when I am with acquaintances. Close friends can read me better and know when to ask how I am or what I am thinking. Acquaintances are afraid to mention Ken or ask how things are. This morning I went to the kids' swim meet. There are no parents on the team that I am particularly close to. I talk to them at swim team events. I've been to dinner with them, but that's about it. I sat in my chair looking around at all the families. No one has said How are things? Are you doing okay? How are the kids? Just some acknowledgment. Any acknowledgment. I know that Ken's death is now off their current events page. It will be on my current events page forever. Do they think that by not mentioning it I won't remember?

No mention at Claire's play tonight either. There was Ken's picture in the program with "In Memory" and no one acknowledged it.

But then Claire in the play was hard enough. She looked beautiful on stage. I wanted to share it with Ken. I wanted Ken to see his daughter. I wanted Claire to hear her father say she was wonderful.