The road not taken

It's been over two years now and I'm still trying to maintain that path I was on with Ken, but now walking it without Ken. I go out to lunch with the moms or sit with families at my kids' sports events and I maintain this illusion that nothing has changed. I'm still happily married, sharing my life with a partner who loves me, values me and supports me. But it's just an illusion. I go home and feel drained, empty and, yes, jealous.

If the path cannot be maintained without Ken, what then? What path should I be on? Where is the map?