Smile and cheer

I've been trying to analyze why the kids' swim meets are so hard for me emotionally. It comes down to three things. First, I have no close friends among the parents on this team. Ken's death is way off of their front pages. I yearn for someone to ask me how we are coping. Asking me how we are doing will not jog my memory that Ken died. Believe me, I haven't forgotten. Second, I see the groups of fathers standing talking, swapping stories and I remember Ken there last year and the year before. I see him lending a hand at the meets helping any way he could. Third, I don't have Ken to share my pride in our wonderful children. I can't turn to him and say, "Did you see that? Wasn't she great!?" or "Wow, he's really flying!" Nothing made us happier than watching our children.

I smile and cheer. Smile and cheer. Then cry.