almost four months

It's been almost four months since Ken died. I was so anxious at the beginning to get everything in order, to figure out the finances, to change the names on accounts. Now, if I make a phone call or send a letter, I feel like I've accomplished a lot. It looks like the insurance problem is finally settled. There are many other things still hanging, but I'm still standing so they can't be all that important.

I feel the loss and grief every day. Everything reminds me of him. I tell the children stories constantly about our experiences together. Those memories and stories are a comfort because they make him real.

I talked to a friend from graduate school recently. We had kept in contact over the last 20 years mainly by Christmas cards. She called to express her condolences, but took the time to tell stories about Ken. We both ended up laughing and crying, but hearing the stories was a joy. I can add her stories to my memory bank to draw on late at night when I can't sleep and all I can think about are those final painful hours with Ken.